Sunday, January 30, 2011

Student critique #1

Frills and hairballs
By David Mathis

A curtsy and a soft, warm smile
Framed by golden curls, wispy,
Blowing in a breeze that was cool,
Refreshing even. A sip of tea.

The tea was hot, steaming in its cup.
Soft, padded hands grasped the handle
delicately. Daintily. Pink Dress pressed
with care and a ribbon, faded but new.

She brushed some stray hair from her
Tufted ears. She soothed her tea, calming
And cooling it with gusts of wind from
Her snout. Blackened lips smiled sweetly.

Her legs, crossed, covered in long, golden
Hair. Her tail wrapped around four spindly
Metal legs of a stool. She playfully batted
A stirring spoon with careful claws.

As clouds enfolded the shining sky, she
Gently grabbed an umbrella-- a tastefully
Layered, iced cake-- pink, white, pink.
Slight frame protected from rain, she walked.

Silence between bird calls, soothing shushing
Of raindrops lulled her and cradled her as she
took small, careful steps. Umbrella held just so,
she took the path that wound eventually home.
 
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I adore this poem! This imagery and wording is fabulous! I can enter the world of his poem, I can feel the warmth of the sun and tea (makes me want a cup...)and the cool breeze just creates the best day in my estimation! The character is so cute , I honeslty see her as a cat or maybe a dog! Depends on what you see in the words!
I'm, trying to think of something to add or take away from it but I really like it as it is, I'm sure David doesn't like it but most writers do not like their own works. It really is a wonderful poem, I hope everyone else will enjoy it as well!
I'm inspired to draw it as well! This shall be fun!

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